Diva Taunia's Backstage Pass Official Blog

OBESITY ONLINE FORUM CONFERENCE REVIEW (Or, how to not make any powerful friends)

This past weekend, I was an invited guest at the New York City for the Obesity Online event sponsored by Ethicon Endo-Surgery and the Obesity Action Coalition.  Much has already been written about this from some of the other WLS peeps who were in attendance.  I've personally held off on speaking publicly for a few days because I wanted to formulate my thoughts after sleeping on it, and reading the other comments and blog postings about it.

The problem is, I had an almost entirely opposite reaction to the conference than most of the attendees, and I'm still trying to sort out why.  All of the conference attendees very generously(?) had their travel expenses paid for and were put up in the swanky Mondrian Soho hotel.  Unfortunately, I slept through the first night of meeting and greeting, which I was told was lavish and had an open bar (open bar?!?  damn my post-plane sleeping!). There was a lot of mingling and setting the tone for the "let's all get along and work together."  I can't comment on that since I was snoozing away in my bed as everyone else shmoozed.  (Note:  I'm an insomniac and barely sleep - unless, of course, I *should* be awake at something important like, meeting your peers for the first time.  Doh!)

I'm not going to lie:  free trip?  Count me in.  If you're paying, I'm going.  BUT.  Does that mean that I'm obligated to write a entirely positive review?  I hope not, because that's not what I'm about to do...

When I arrived at the official forum on Friday, I was alone and full of anxiety.  Even though 90% of my life is made available for public consumption, one of the things I don't often speak about is my daily struggle with anxiety and panic.  It's overwhelming.  I can get up on a stage half-naked in a corset and sing my heart out, but to walk into a room and meet my peers is almost debilitating for me.  It's something I struggle with on a daily basis, and I literally have to FORCE myself out of the house at times.  It's frustrating because I logically and rationally know that I'm safe, but my body, brain, and heart still go straight to panic mode.  So for me, walking into that room was incredibly difficult.  But do you know what helped?  Lynnda, Toni, and Mike from bariatrictv.com walked right over to me, gave me a giant hug, and welcomed me sitting with them in their row.  Then Jill and Teresa did the same.  (My huge thanks to everyone for being so friendly and welcoming!) My nervous were calmed, especially once I had a mouth full of bacon.  (Yes, bacon.)  Flying in on the same plane as Melting Mama helped as well. Especially as she laughed at me while I was searched by TSA.

Once I calmed down, I was able to start taking in what was going on around me.  Clearly, everyone there was there for the same purpose:  to discuss obesity, treatments, education, and resources.  We all have a common purpose, a common desire to bring to light the challenges of morbid obesity.  But I was confused:  who was running this event?  The Obesity Action Coalition was front and center, with Endo-Ethicon and Porter-Novelli also there:

• Endo-Ethicon is a subsidiary of Johnson & Johnson, and creators of the Realize Solution
• The WLSFA was not invited to this event. I'm not sure that anyone on the organizational side actually knew of my affiliation.  (The invitation was sent to me through my radio program).
• One thing was clear:  a LOT of money was spent on this event.  More than I probably make in three year's time.  I understand the concept of spend money to make money, but it felt almost obscene to me.  Maybe it's an unfair assessment, but as someone who works pretty tirelessly as an unpaid advocate for weight loss surgery, obesity awareness, and positive self-image, I felt guilty.  I felt guilty that my soon-to-be-husband is working 10 hours a day plus going to school and that we struggle on a daily basis to put food on the table and keep our bills paid. And yet?  He supports me, my volunteer work,  and my passions 100%.  

But how could I enjoy this lavish treatment?  I knew I was being courted, we all were.  But here's the thing:  my voice - our voice - is valuable.  I realized this immediately when I looked around at the swanky hotel room, the lovely and delicious meals, and heard about the free open bar.  It just seemed: obscene.  I couldn't help but think, "if you're going to spend this much money on me to get me to support your cause (our cause), why not skip the royal treatment and buy some ad space on my blog?  Or my radio program?  Or my website? Why not help me help you?  If we're working towards the same goal, and you clearly know the value of my websites, radio program, and social network, why not skip the fancy trip and work with me in a way that helps us all move forward?  And most importantly, why is the WLSFA not invited?  Of course, *I* accepted the trip, so I'm probably partially to blame for my own discomfort with the situation.  (Truth be told, I almost didn't go, but that was because I was scared to go, and I'm trying with all my might to not let fear rule my life.)

But beyond that, I found some of the content upsetting.  Let me be clear:  I am going off of my memory here.  I have asked to see or hear a transcript of the day to confirm my memory (which admittedly can be faulty at times), but no one has been able to provide that for me.  I will mention that Joe Nadglowski (President/CEO of the Obesity Action Coalition) has been incredibly helpful and communicative in answering my questions.

The first thing that triggered a red flag for me is when patients were referred to as "consumers."  I took serious issue with that as I looked around at all the expenses around me.  Patients are not the same thing as consumers, and to refer to them as such is upsetting.  It made me feel as though the conference was a bit disingenuous.  It was clear there was a huge advertising campaign going on here, but the mission behind it was now starting to get a bit murky.  

The next thing that troubled me:  a response to the lovely Teresa Dunn when she asked about Food Addiction.  If my memory serves me correctly, I believe that Dr. Blackstone's answer was that there IS no such thing as food addition.    Part of me agrees with that, but only because I don't think addiction needs to be qualified.  I think addiction is addiction. It is compulsive, reactive behavior - something I've also struggled with my entire life.  Her response upset me, because I think it's a common thought process in the weight loss surgery medical community.  I had no idea how much I would struggle with this post-surgery, and how the compulsive behavior was transferred from food to pills to wine and then back to food.  I almost felt a bit ashamed when she spoke.  What is wrong with me?  Then I was enraged, because this is too often swept under the rug and NOT talked about.  And I know, I'm absolutely sure, that I am NOT the only person who struggles with this.  Dealing with addictive behavior HAS to be discussed more often, it HAS to be brought to the forefront in order for any post-op to be successful.  I'm not a medical professional, true, but I am someone who lives this daily. (Important to note:  Dr. Blackstone's statements were her own, and not necessarily the view of the OAC.)

I also knew that at some point, the Realize Solution was going to be discussed and it was...but in a very subtle way.  We were told about Tracy, a mom of four with a mission to lose weight.  They didn't mention that she was partnered with the Realize Solution (thank you for the correction, Andrea!), only that was should support her in her journey. I'm happy to support anyone in their mission for a healthy life, but not happy to be an unpaid part of Endo-Ethicon's/Realize promotional campaign.  

All of this being said, I did walk away with a lot of positive as well.  First, it was wonderful meeting many of my online friends and peers for the first time.  Despite my panic and anxiety, it was incredible putting online names and faces to real people.  The Obesity Online event provided an avenue for us to all meet where we may not have otherwise had the opportunity.  That alone is worth mentioning because it only serves to help us become stronger in our united goals.

A highlight for me during the conference was meeting Colleen Cook.  When I was first researching weight loss surgery, hers were some of the first books that I read and the information I found in them helped me make a more educated decision.  Her "Success Habits of WLS Patients" should be required reading for anyone going through the weight loss surgery journey.

I was also reminded of the many, many wonderful things that the Obesity Action Coalition is doing. They are constantly advocating for the obese, bringing to light many issues in the news and working on the behalf of the patients.  Their website provides a plethora of information, resources, educational tools and support.  I am a member, and do highly encourage others to be as well:
 

www.obesityaction.org

I met many wonderful people as well, and I will steal Beth's list of bloggers and WLS peeps:

• Diva Taunia http://www.divatauniablog.com/
• Melting  http://www.meltingmama.net
• Andrea Ullberg http://www.wlsvitagarten.com
• Kaitlin Nelson http://www.thebypassedlife.com
• Michelle Vicari http://www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com
• Dave Fouts http://www.chefdave.org
• Teresa Dunn http://teresajourneyshome.wordpress.com/
• Jill Harris http://jellosjourney.blogspot.com/
• Michelle Schiener http://vsgmom.com/
• Toni Towe  http://www.bariatrictv.com
• Michael Towe  http://www.bariatrictv.com
• Lynnda Shepherd http://www.bariatrictv.com
• Susan Maria Leach http://bariatriceating.com/SMblog/
• Barbara Thompson  http://www.wlscenter.com/
• Rachel Lebowitz http://bariatricrevisionary.blogspot.com/
• Colleen Cook http://colleencook.com/
• Cari DeLaCruz  http://www.bariatricafterlife.com/
• Yvonne McCarthy  http://www.bariatricgirl.com/
• Emily Gomez  http://weightlosthopegained.wordpress.com/
• Laura Preston  http://mydailydetour.typepad.com/
• Maria Fitzpatrick  http://www.formerlyfluffy.com/

(Please let me know if I am missing anyone!)
 

I'm well aware of what a delicate balancing act it is to promote vs. advocate.   For me as a one-Diva operation, I struggle with that at times.  My issues stem from the feeling of being taken advantage of by a large and powerful company with lots of financial backing, and unfortunately, that was the bad taste that was left in my mouth. I don't want to take anything away from the powerful advocacy that can happen when a group like this comes together, but I also don't want to feel duped.  I will work tirelessly for a cause I believe in, but for the cause, not the company.  My voice is valuable, and so is that of my peers.  This, I know.

SHAME: IT JUST *NEVER* WORKS

I just opened the latest newsletter from The Obesity Action Coalition:

 

Georgia Billboard Campaign - Helpful or Hurtful? You Decide.

The OAC has been alerted to an issue in the state of Georgia regarding an alliance, titled the Georgia Children's Health Alliance, that is using an unusual tactic with billboards to raise awareness of childhood obesity. We've been contacted by OAC members who feel the Alliance's tactics are stigmatizing and are hurting children by bullying them more than helping them.

The images themselves just break my heart.  I know that childhood obesity has become an epidemic, and I also know that the issue needs to be confronted in an agressive way.   However, the language here?  COMPLETELY INNAPPROPRIATE.  COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. As someone who was an overweight child, words like "chubby kids," and "fat kids," and even worse in some other ads, "stocky, chubby, chunky are still fat," immediately induce guilt, shame, and sadness in me - as an adult, who is now of average weight.  I can't even imagine how the kids on that billboard must feel, or any overweight child for that matter.  Can you imagine being a young child and seeing an image like that - like YOU - plastered on billboards for everyone to see?  I find this campaign incredibly offensive.

Shame does not not work. IT DOESN'T.  Shame makes kids take up secret eating, hiding food and binging when no one can see them.  I know this, because I AM THEM.  I WAS THEM.  I'm absolutely appauled that any person working towards raising awareness about childhood obesity thought that this was a good idea.  

EDUCATION MATTERS.   Support and sympathy and guidance and encouragement work. Shame does not. 

Oh my God, my heart just breaks for these kids - for every overweight kid who struggles with this on a daily basis, it breaks every time I look at this.

PIMPIN' AIN'T EASY

We interrupt your regular blog reading for these pimpin' commercial breaks.  Fo' shizzle.  

I have lots of things to promote today, so rather than bombard with lots of individual Facebook entries, I thought I'd just wrap everything up in one tidy little blog entry.  Mmmkay?

GROUPON: SIGN UP AND DIVA TAUNIA GETS 10 GROUPON BUCKAROOS:

You probably know by now that I only pimp-out things that I love.  (I don't bother with negative advertisement, I'd rather be Suzy Sunshine.  lol)  I happen to LOVE Groupon, and they have some seriously kick-ass deals, like today's deal:

$10 for $20 Worth of Vintage Threads, Costumes, and New Clothes From The Garment District

Sweet!  I love The Garment District and uh, hello?  PERFECT for costuming a Burlesque show.  I have purchased, fo' sho.

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DIVA T NEEDS A HONEYMOON, YO!

I am a member of the Obesity Action Coalition, and they are currently running a membership drive to help them in their mission to raise awareness of the need for obesity education.  Their current fundraiser is awarding a free trip to the person who recruits the most people.  Uh, YES PLEASE!  I need a honeymoon, yo!  So go on, sign up, and tell them that Diva Taunia sent you in the member referral section!  :)

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You ARE going to the Meet & Greet, aren't you?!  I'm going to be there, along with a gazillion other WLS Peeps!  Don't miss out on the great hotel deal, and book your tickets now before we sell out!

I'm going to be performing at the Saturday night event, so you may be able to catch some Diva Taunia Dolls Burlesque while in Vegas!  ;)

INTERESTED IN BECOMING A SPONSOR OR EXHIBITING?  CLICK HERE

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Last, but not least, if you haven't already gotten your tickets to the premiere performance for The Diva Taunia Dolls Burlesque "Valentine Vixens" show on February 11th, go!  Buy your tickets NOW.  We expect to be sold out by the end of next week, and it's standing room only, babycakes.  

 

FEBRUARY 11th @ 9:00 pm EST 
Gemstones, Lowell MA  
150 Market St. (above The Blue Shamrock)
General Standing RoomTickets $25

General Seating:  Standing Room Only.  First-come, first-serve seating.  VIP Booths are private closed-in areas away from the stage.  (VIP Booths are currently SOLD OUT)

 

>Note:  if you have any problems with the paypal icons below, you may also send ticket payment directly to [email protected].  Please note this address is not used for communications, only ticket payments.  If you have any questions about your order, feel free to email us at [email protected].  Tickets are $25 a piece, and you may send a bulk payment for multiple tickets.  Thanks!

PAY USING GOOGLE CHECKOUT:

$25.00 - (1) Advanced Ticket $50.00 - (2) Advanced Tickets $75.00 - (3) Advanced Tickets $100.00 - (4) Advanced Tickets $125.00 - (5) Advanced Tickets $150.00 - (6) Advanced Tickets $175.00 - (7) Advanced Tickets $200.00 - (8) Advanced Tickets $225.00 - (9) Advanced Tickets $250.00 - (10) Advanced Tickets

We HIGHLY recommend purchasing your tickets in advance as we expect this show to SELL OUT BY 1/31/11 . GEMSTONES offers food and drink from 9:00pm-1:00am. 

OUR VIP BOOTHS ARE SOLD OUT!

Heavy Drama

Thanks to Beth at www.meltingmama.net for posting this!

This girl is GORGEOUS.  Of course, they have to make her look completely miserable, as if it's IMPOSSIBLE to be happy at this size.  All the tomfoolery of camera angles to emphasize her girth too.  But you know what?  Honestly, all I can focus on is how gorgeous she is.  AT HER CURRENT SIZE.

BETH'S POST:

___________________________________________________________________

Heavy - DRAAAAAMMMMMA!

Oh A +E you're doing it to me again.  I'm a fan of Intervention, it's one of the only shows I record.  Last night I caught Storage Wars, sucked me right the hell in.  (In fact, I stayed up and watched it while Mr. was long since drooling, and I asked him, while he slept, "Can we do this?") 

Now this?  THE DRAAAAAAAMA!

So dark.   So DRAMATIC.  So photoshopped.

Losing

Is

Their

Only

Hope.

<cue awful scary sad music>  BY GOD!  This had better not let me down!  There had better be drama to match this ad.  The previews didn't give any clue as to the "transformation" -- whether it be The Biggest Loser maniacal style OR "The Surgery" stories, maybe it's something absolutely different.  But, since it's about transformations -- in a quick show -- I guess surgery.  Whee

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Many thanks to Patricia for sending me this. 

If you saw someone overweight being berated in the grocery store, what would you do?  If you respond to this and are comfortable indicating it, I'd also be curious if you are overweight or thin, and/or if you've ever struggled with your weight.   I'm going to reserve my comments for now, but we are DEFINITELY talking about this on the show tommorrow, so I'd LOVE your feedback.

A FORMER "FATTY" RESPONSE TO MAURA KELLY

Much was made about Maura Kelly/Marie Claire's article "Should 'Fatties' Get a Room?  (Even on TV?)," and like many, I was completely outraged by what I read.  Still, I know my tendency to react emotionally - especially to a topic that hits home like this - so I wanted to wait a day before posting a response.   After giving it 24 hours, I'm outraged - but not at Maura Kelly.

Make no mistake:  what Maura Kelly wrote was not a wholly unpopular opinion.  In today's society, fat prejudice continues to remain one of the few socially acceptable forms of distrimination.   Fat jokes are funny!  It's funny to poke fun at fat people!  This is the message that is continually delivered in movies, tv, and comedy routines on a daily basis.  

As I made my way over to the Marie Claire website today, I was stuck by the irony of the ad that is featured on their home page:  Dove's Movement for Self-Esteem.  If I were a Dove exec, I'd be pulling that ad feature pronto.  Marie Claire has no intention of promoting self-esteem, as evident by the article in question still being sensationalized on it's site and all over the web.  Even in their feeble attempts to reach across the store to the plus size section of their demographic with their "Big Girl in a Skinny World" column, they miss the mark.  Articles like, "Ashley Falcon's Slimming Wardrobe Staples," and "Slimming Hair and Makeup Tricks" only confirm the message that is continually jammed down our throats (yes, pun intended):  SLIM is better.  SLIM is sexy.  SLIM is beautiful.  So do what you can to make yourself at least APPEAR slimmer! 

Personally, I happen to love fashion, beauty, and glamour.  I  celebrate that, and I do agree that I have more options in those departments now that I have lost 160 lbs.  But the interesting thing?  I have LESS self-esteem now, while my health is much better.  I embrace those fun, glitzy items and have fun with it, but my own personal self-esteem is a struggle.  This is most likely due to years of being told I was not acceptable in society, but also due to my own personal identity crisis as a now-slimmer woman.  As a heavy woman, I was confident!  I was secure!  I was beautiful!  Now, I'm thinner, and I realize that it makes no difference what the number is on the scale:  you'll always know there's something you can make "better."

I've watched a couple episodes of Mike & Molly, and I hated the show.  I found it to be very dumbed-down, stereotypical fat jokes.  My hope is that as the program grows in popularity, it will be less about the fat jokes, and more about humanity and acceptance of all shapes and sizes.  I think it's possible to be both funny and socially enlightening (Modern Family is a perfect example of that). One can only hope.

Like one of my favorite authors, Jen Lancaster, my reaction to Maura Kelly is one of pity.  I'm sure her original attempt was to be brave and/or funny, but the fact that she so readily and openly displayed not only her own personal prejudices, but her ignorance about obesity in general only serves to prove how deep the problem really is.  She's not the only one who feels this way, and she's certainly not going to be the only one who doesn't educate herself about obesity.

While I don't feel her follow-up apology was heartfelt, I do believe she struggles with many of the same self-esteem issues - just on the opposite end of the spectrum.  I don't believe the fallout of this has changed her  personal opinion about "fatties," only whether or not she'll be so public with her sharing her strong opinions in the future.  I feel for her, and I'm thankful that even in my own personal struggle with self-acceptance, my heart and mind are open to the various shape, sizes, ethnicities, sexual preferences  in our society.  I can't imagine having a heart full of such hate - especially brain-washed-by-the-media hate.  I feel for her, and can only hope that this experience will prompt her to do more research, and be more open-minded.

PROJECT BODYTALK

I found this website this morning when I was doing research on anxiety and eating disorders.  I'm really in love with this site, and I think it's incredibly powerful.  The focus right now seems to be a bit more on anorexia, but the content itself - body image - is one that many of us can relate to and have to deal with on a daily basis.

I was particularly moved by two of the audio clips:

Kelsey, Age 22 :  This could be me (her story, her emotions about it), the only difference being she stopped eating while I binged.  I'm pretty blown away by the level of maturity at age 22.  I'm 38 and I'm just now starting to get to a place where I can accept my body.  Granted, it's after a huge weight loss, and I also struggle with it daily.

Pat, Mid 60s:  I think Pat is more honest than most of us are.  It's frustrating for me to listen to, because I feel like the WLS community can often times be quite judgmental against their own, but also, because I know I've done this myself, and I'm embarrassed and shameful about it.

I am in a difficult place to balance:  I celebrate image post-op.  I have a radio show that highlights and features some of the best beauty and fashion products out there, and I love doing that.  I love the "Diva Glam!" part of life.  But I also struggle daily with self-image, and I struggle with finding a balance between celebrating that, and working to change the face of beauty and what that means, because beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, ages, and color. 

I think part of what I deal with now is guilt.  Guilt that I'm happy about what I look like, because I'm thinner now.  I'm glad that I can look in a mirror and be happy with what I see (when I'm fully clothed - naked is a whole other story), but I struggle with why I feel the way I do when I look at OLD pictures of me.  Why do I not see myself as beautiful in those pictures?  Why am I DISGUSTED by myself when I look at them?  Yes, I'm more likely disgusted with the behaviors that got me to that place, but I'm also just not happy with what I look like there.

I've always been much kinder to others than I have been myself.  I have many friends who struggled with their weight, and I honestly DO look at them and think THEY are beautiful.  I see their beauty on the inside and out, and I'm often upset with myself that I can't reflect that same genuine appreciation about myself and my body - old and new.  I still struggle with it constantly, I still worry daily about my weight, I still weigh like a crazy woman.  And I'm still desperate to not get fat again. 

But I'm working on it.  I think that's why I place so much emphasis on the "Diva Glam!" part of things:  because products make me happy, and I like what I feel like and look like when I use them.  Superficial?  Of course.  But again, where's the balance?  If these things make me happy,  I should be able to shift the image portion of things to what's fun, right?  And I think that's key for me:  having fun, appreciating the beauty of things in a fun way instead of berating myself.  And I try to extend that fun to everyone - any size.  Hopefully, when someone wins something on my show, it makes them happy, which in turn makes me happy.  We put so much pressure on ourselves physically, that it's nice to have some fun with our image every once in a while, and celebrate our bodies.

I'm going to keep an eye on Project Bodytalk, because I think the mission is an important one.  I'm still learning and growing, and doing my best.  I'll struggle sometimes, but I'll also keep working towards self-acceptance:  inside and out.  In fact, you may even see some audio from me up there soon...

Lane Bryant Says ABC, Fox Censored Plus-Size Lingerie Ad

I think we gots us a double standard.  Lane Bryant or Victoria's Secret.  Apparently, Fox and ABC will decide FOR YOU.

LET THE SHIT-STORM COMMENCE

A few days ago, Melting Mama exposed a "Bariatric Advocate," who proudly introduced herself as the "Face of A Bariatric Program."  MM was calling her out on some pretty horrible remarks this woman made on the Obesity Help message boards:

This, in turn, spurned a shit-storm of hate directed at this lady.   Part of me feels a little bad for her, because I think part of her intention was to try and find a tactful way of dealing with it, but really, she just thought she was being funny and didn't even realize how discriminatory was she was being about the people she advocates for.  Quite honestly, it made me furious to read not only because of her blatant disregard for the people she "helps," but because she, as a former fat-person, was being judgmental and discriminatory in the same way that she had probably been for most of her obese-life. (She has since deleted the post.)

And this is not the first time I've read/seen/heard this.

Unfortunately, I stopped reading the OH message boards and visiting obesityhelp.coma while back.  It seems like there were constant battles, constant insults, and really snarky people there.  Additionally, my contacts there - who I had formerly done some promotional exchanges with - just suddenly started ignoring me, my emails, and the winners of the prizes that they had promised on my radio show.  Not cool.  Not professional.  (And yeah, I'm still a little peeved that they asked me to be a feature in the magazine, with several emails back and forth, me taking the time to answer all of their questions and phone calls, and then being blown off  - with zero explanation.  If you don't like me, that's cool, but at least have enough respect to send a polite "no thanks" email back.) I want OH to be a positive place for me, but it never has been.  I get too disappointed by what I read there.  Anyhow, I disgress...

I keep feeling blown away by some really judgemental comments from people within the wls community, and this isn't limited to OH, it's everywhere.  Here's are a few examples:

"as I said "I FAILED" and I would NEVERhave RNY. I am healthy even tho i'm overweight and will just stay where I am at this point. I've seen wayyyy too many health issues with RNY and would choose being in a size 14 over those issues"

"The lady that does my mom's hair had RNY and sure doesn't look like she has.  I think she's put on a bunch of weight.  I was telling my mom some of the things that I'm not supposed to do after surgery (drink pop) and she said "the gal that does my hair drinks a ton of diet coke".  So I'm thinking it can't be the diet coke that made her put weight on (could it?) I'm guessing she isn't following the rules - and I have no clue how far out she is,,, 4+ years I'm guessing. "

Ah yes, the age-old "she's not following the rules."  We're always so ready to launch a verbal grenade at one of our own because we can't even entertain the thought that the choice that we've made, the surgery that we've placed all of our sanity and emotional strength into, can't POSSIBLY NOT be the miracle-cure we were hoping for.  And are there people who don't follow the rules?  Absolutely, I'm one of them.  Will you be one of them too?  Yep, so maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judge.

A few weeks back, a well-known You Tuber had posted a picture of a girl wearing tight pants.  Apparently, she thought this girl should not be wearing them because she was on the chunky side.  I just thought that was INCREDIBLY judgmental.  To actually take. out. a. camera.  Oy.  And what was worse was that there were a gazillion comments joking and making fun of this poor girl - from the WLS community.

And then there was my Susan Powter video.  I actually had a debate with a good friend of  mine who felt incredibly upset by the comments she read on this video.  I had spoken about some comments that Susan made and that I had disagreed with.  The comments that followed - OH. MY. GOD.  Hateful, nasty comments towards Susan.  I had to do a follow-up video because of the hipocracy of it all.  My friend's point?  The WLS Community wants understanding and acceptance.  We're never going to get it if we turn around and launch verbal attacks on others that don't agree with us.  You can certainly disagree with her and her opinions, but throwing hate at her?  How is that helpful?  I don't get it.  I couldn't believe the amount of people who were ready to attack her in the nastiest of ways. You can do both:  disagree AND be respectful.

Look, I'm not perfect, I've judged too, I know I have.  It's hard not to because that's the kind of society we live in.  Our media gloats when there's "failure" and exposes that for every embarrassing second it can. I think you have to be pretty damn-near perfect to not fall into the trap of the "omg, what happened to him/her!" mentality every once in a while.

BUT.

I think that this is a perfect example of "remember where you came from."  Remember how it felt to be judged, to be stereotyped, to be looked it, to be made fun of.  REMEMBER IT.  Just because you've lost weight does NOT give you the right to pass judgment on someone else.  And geezus, in the very same community that you yourself came to/go to for support.

I know snarky can sometimes be funny, and I know that we can make fun of ourselves and each other in a loving and supportive way too.  But judgmental comments like the above stuff?  Not funny.  Not helpful.  Not good.  We've got to work to be better to each other.  Weight loss maintenance isn't a one year or two year thing, it's for life.  Support is needed FOR LIFE. 

We need to give what we get.  Myself included.  I do my best to be a positive role model, but I'm human, and I slip sometimes too.  But I'm working at it, as we all should. 

Come on, lovelies, we're better than this. 

THE THINNEST OF THE FATTEST

My friend Dr. Sheila sent me this link today, about a new ABC Series called "Huge," a new one-hour drama premiering this year. "Huge" is a new drama about a "fat camp" for teens.  It's starring Hayley Hasslehoff (yes, The Hoff's daughter) and Nikki Blonksy, of "Hairspray" fame.  The Huffington Post "Hayley will play the hottest and thinnest girl at the camp who considers herself too big."   The hottest, thinnest girl of the at girls.

That's Hayley over there to the left.  She's playing a fat girl.  And I just looked her up on IMDB and found out she's 20 yrs younger than me(!) - gah. I'm fairly certain that if she were at my school or in my circle of friends when I was kid, I would have never left my house.  EVER.

This got me thinking about identity and the MESSED UP ways we define ourselves - even in our own "safe" circle of friends.  Because I know I've been in situations where I have been in a group of my friends - all of us overweight and struggling (Weight Watchers, anyone!?) and there's always the immediate comparison of who's the fattest, who's the smallest of the fattest...and you define yourself by your weight even within a group where everyone shares the same struggles and social stigmas.

These are your friends: supportive and loving and caring, but that comparison is still there. Maybe not on a surface level, but it's there. I used to be the biggest, now I'm not, and it's a weird identity for me. And I think at times it was difficult for the other people in my life because everyone's definition of me had to change.  I was no longer the Fat Diva.  And I was openly and excitedly celebrating my weight, or lack of weight.  And I was obnoxious about it sometimes, I know I was.

It bothers me that even as an adult, and a thinner adult, I immediately scan the room to see who's bigger/smaller than me.  Who's prettier, who's plain.  As a logical and mature adult, I have a hard time understanding why my self-esteem easily and immediately goes there, and it's something that I hate about my own self-esteem.  (And I should mention that after my initial comparison is done, I then become an adult again and start appreciating what's beautiful about every person in the room.  At least there's been progress in my life there.)

I'm interested to see how they tackle self-esteem and health issues with this show.  I hope it's something that will be empowering, and that helps teens to grow up without scanning the room and beginning a comparison.  Fingers crossed.