It's hard for me to not think of things in those terms: gastric bypass bride. I've always hated the notion that only thin girls can find true love - because it's completely inaccurate. Part of me feels guilty about all the happiness that I've found post-surgery because it only perpetuates that theory, but the other part of me knows the truth: I am happier. Every part of my life is better...my health, my energy, my spirit, and yes, the way I look.
I think the truth is, I wasn't happy as a fat person. I pretended to be, but I wasn't. The smallest things make a huge impact on my disposition now. Being able to go out an not fear that I won't fit it seats, being able to shop in any store, being able to comfortably be able to wear a seatbelt, these things have all impacted me. And no doubt that when my disposition began to change, that was reflected both inside and out. And for those of you ready to say, "would Rob have loved you when you were heavy?!?" The answer is yes. He met me when I was almost 90 lbs heavier.
This is all leading up to something that is bittersweet for me: my wedding. I had told Rob that the most important thing for me wedding-wise was that it happened while my Dad was still able to walk me down the aisle, and my grandmother was able to be there. Both things will happen, and I couldn't be happier. The only thing that I wish is that my Grampy could be there too, to see the new me, but he will be in spirit.
My grandfather, Carl, was a striking, stoic, tall man that made a lasting impression on my family. The one time I have ever seen my father cry was at his funeral, when was gave an incredibly moving speech about the man that had adopted him and become his father. My Grampy meant everything to my dad, and he meant everything to me. I was very close to him, and I'm also very close to my grandmother, Nora (who I call Auntie Nora - don't ask, long story).
At our family get-together this weekend, my Auntie Nora suggested that I look at her wedding gown. It was one of those very giddy moments with girls in the family. We looked at the gown (which did NOT fit me - despite my weight loss - lol), and then I asked to try on the veil. This was one of those pull-over-your-face veils, very old-fashioned, very beautiful, with all the original beading on the headband in impeccable condition. I put it on and realized that this veil was something special: she had worn this when she married my grandfather.
I asked her if I could wear it in the wedding and her response was, "I would be honored." She was beaming with pride, and I knew right then and there that my dress doesn't matter: this veil does. She said to me, "You know, Taunia, you had a special bond with your grandfather. You were very special to him, and you are very special to me." Cue waterworks. I was a blubbering idiot, but I don't think I've had a happier moment (other than my proposal, of course) in my life. This veil means everything to me: family, celebration, tradition, and love.
And now my grandfather, the Great Carl T as he would often refer to himself, is part of my wedding. I'm wearing the same veil that was worn by my grandmother at his wedding, and that connects both of my grandparents to me in probably the most special way I could think of. And to me, that's what I want this wedding to be about. Not the poofy, Cinderella stuff, but the celebration of family. My old family sending me with love into my new family. That's love.
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