Ok, let's get something clear right out the gate: I am not, nor will I ever, be PREGNANT. That would be a miracle by the sweet baby Jesus himself for two reasons: 1) I'm almost FORTY and in peri menopause, and 2) Rob cannot make any babies anymore, you dig? So there. NOT. PREGNANT. But thank you so much for asking, really makes a fat girl feel good. :)
And speaking of fat, I guess there's no more pretending: yep, I gained weight. A lot of it. Back when I was sickest and at my lowest weight, all of my doctors told me they wanted me to put back 20 lbs. I did better: I gained almost 35. I weigh 170-ish lbs, and seeing that number on the scale KILLS ME.
The thing is, I'm not sure it's entirely my fault. (I mean, my guess is that the chips I've been devouring on a regular basis are not helping things.) Back in Jan/Feb, I was put on two new medications, one of which is known for rapid weight gain and bloat. It took me almost a year and half to get to the doctor's recommended 20 lbs, and it took me less than two months to put on the rest with the help of the meds. Yippee! I'm fat again!
When I hit 160 lbs, I felt good. I felt strong, and I felt voluptuous. Now? I just feel sluggish and fat. And I CANNOT. STOP. EATING. I'm hungry ALL THE TIME. And while I still have plenty of restriction, I also have almost ZERO intolerances and I can eat just about anything.
Take a gander at the regain process:
ME - CIRCA 2009, at my lowest (and sickest) weight:
ME - FEBRUARY 11, 2011 - LIKING MY WEIGHT AND MY BOD:
Granted, a lot of my weight gain is in my boobies, which Rob would argue is a good thing, but I HATE this weight. I'm terrified. I don't want to go back to 311 lbs, and I feel completely helpless. I dance DAILY. I'm exercising more than I ever have, and I'm only maintaining (barely). I can't stop eating, and I can't stop thinking about food constantly. It's all back, just in a smaller package.
I thought by ignoring it and taking pictures at good angles that no one would find out. That somehow I could magically take the weight off and no one would know. Well, having a very public wedding with a gazillion pics online will slap the truth right on to ya. I was called out as looking pregnant on my music page, and that there was a big dose of reality for me. So here it is: my admission, and it hurts and is hard for me, so don't make it worse...mmmmkay?
Accountability has always been my saving grace, so maybe "going public" about it will help me resolve it. I'm working with my doctors to adjust my medications, and I've got appts with my kidney specialists in the next few weeks, so maybe we'll figure some stuff out that will help. But you know what else will help? If I stop eating. Constantly.
God Bless, Rob. He puts up with my crazy, loves me at any weight, and supports me no matter what.
I'm just thankful for the other people before me that openly spoke and wrote about re-gain, so that I know I'm not alone and there is hope for conquering it. Thank you, you know who you are.
So here begins another very public battle with my weight....
You are a human being. You have been a marvelous role model for all of us. Never forget that.
I have been remiss in being public lately. I've not made a video for youtube for a year! I've also not lost an ounce in that year. I have gained only 7 pounds, but have started drinking that poison - Coke - again. I know it's causing me to gain tummy weight.
You've inspired me yet again - It's time to get back to it. I will start exercising and I will kick my Coke habit, and stop eating Cheezits! I should probably make a video update, too.
Go Taunia. You look great! You've got lots of folks rooting for you.
Becki (changeisgood46 on youtube)
Posted by: Becki | May 24, 2011 at 12:44 AM
Ms. Taunia, you are beautiful! And you are human .... and like many of us are struggling with regain! I keep trying to convince myself I only need to lose 20 lbs ... NOT! Try 30-35? huh ... yeah ... as long as we are honest with ourselve and NEVER GIVE UP! I hope for you that your doctors can assist with the meds issue .... the appetite issue? If I find an answer to that one, I'll let ya know!
Hugs and love and hang in their, Girlie!
Marie
Posted by: Marie Cicogni | May 25, 2011 at 01:53 PM
Oh, I know how bad it must have been to be asked if you were pregnant -- but isn't it better than being asked how much weight you gained? (and I am ducking and running after saying that!!) I SINCERELY hope you don't take this as an insult, but as the tongue in cheek way it was meant. I adore you to pieces and would never want to hurt you, but I too, have gained a few pounds lately and I think I'd rather be asked if I were preggers than "GASP, how much have you gained, girl!
You're gorgeous no matter what, please keep that in mind ;) XXOO
Posted by: Jenni | May 31, 2011 at 02:39 AM
lolfattyfail
Posted by: haley | June 08, 2011 at 02:24 AM
Oh, how very brave of you! Except NOT. Coward / Troll.
Posted by: Diva Taunia | June 08, 2011 at 09:17 AM
Gastric Bypass surgery is considered as the "golden standard" for obesity surgery, and the percentage of success rate is put around 80.
Posted by: Account Deleted | October 10, 2011 at 05:56 AM