Rob just texted me and reminded me that today is my three year "surgiversary." I had completely forgotten. Three years ago today, I weighed over 300 lbs and had RNY (Roux-en-y) Gastric Bypass Surgery by Dr. Donald Hess at Boston Medical Center. It seems like a million years ago now, and timely to remember when I'm beating myself up about weight gain and self-discipline:
I'm out of the newbie stage. While I'm definitely still MUCH more in control of my weight than I was three years ago, I struggle daily with self-esteem, panic/anxiety, and eating issues. Still? I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat because quite frankly, I'm not sure I'd even be alive today if I hadn't had gastric bypass surgery.
The good: overall, I've maintained a 150+ lbs loss (depending on what week you ask me). I love salad, vegetables, soup, and healthy foods that I wouldn't have even considered three years ago. I hate soda, I won't touch it (save for the occassional Shirley Temple with extra cherries, which I still love). I sing and dance on stage now. I'm my own boss. I actually move my body with ease now, and I can dance (and choreograph!) - something I've always loved - for more than 5 seconds at a time without being winded. I've got a handsome and loving man, a great family, and I can wear a lot more super-cute clothes now.
The bad: I can eat a normal amount of food now - barely any restriction. I don't have any food intolerances (except for beef, which I sometimes can't digest). I struggle with panic and anxiety on a daily basis. (Note: I've always struggled with this, but it got worse post-surgery.) I've also gained back the dreaded post-surgery weight, and even though I had death breathing down my neck 20 lbs ago, I still beat myself up about that even though my brain knows I'm much healthier and stronger at this weight. The self-esteem and self-control issues were gone for almost two years, and panic set in when they returned. That has been the most difficult thing for me.
For the past three years, despite knowing that "the bad" was possible and most likely would return, I was still surprised when it happened to me. Most of the time I choose to focus on the good - because I'd be an ass if I didn't realize how much better my life is now, and how many good things I have in my life (and about my own self) to be happy about. I just want to be honest on this surgiversary date: it's not always happy-sunny-ville. It's work now. It's much more manageable work, but it's work.
So today, on this day when I woke up beating myself up - only to then reminded by man I love about how far I've come since 3/25/08 (He remembered what today was! I didn't). I promise you this for the next year: less beating myself up, more focus on my mental well-being, finding a balance between eating and eating well, and choosing to be positive. Always. Because the alternative isn't an option for me.
I also want to extend a HUGE thank you to all of my friends in (and out) of the WLS Community. Without you, I'd have no accountability, no support...and for that, I will be continually grateful. I know with the Burlesque show and wedding I've been a bit disconnected, but I'm plugging myself back in, and would love to see/talk/hang with you at either of these upcoming events I'll be attending:
April 14-15: I'll be joining some of my peers in New York City for an event sponsored by Ethicon Endo-Surgery and the Obesity Action Coalition. Ethicon Endo-Surgery or EES paid for my travel and incidentals so I can participate in their obesity online forum. Which you know, ROCKS (thank you for the nice little trip)!
May 13-15th: I'll be at the WLSFA Mother of All Meet & Greets in Las Vegas! I'm very, very excited about this 1) because I get to see my peeps 2) because I get to gamble and 3) because I get to perform on Saturday night and can add "Vegas Show Girl" to my resume. :)
Thank you so much for your honesty. May I recommend you look into hypoglycemia. It also gives you lots of anxiety and even panic attacks when you have it and don't know. I just recently found out about and read a great book on it by Roberta Ruggiero called "the do's and dont's of Hypoglycemia. Also there are lots of reports that gastric bypass makes hypoglycemia worse. So definatly look into to it.
Also after having watched all your video's i highly recommend all books by Geneen Roth. They will change your life!!! They did mine.
Much love, Melissa
Posted by: melissa | March 25, 2011 at 04:37 PM