I'VE BEEN OUTED

Ok, I may as well come clean.  I've been avoiding this for a long time - hoping it would just go away. Alas, with my propensity for making almost every detail of my life public, I can't believe I expected to somehow make it through this without being found out.  Sigh.

Remember how I was taking a big trip last summer to somewhere very secret?  Well:

            

Believe me, I'm just as digusted as you are.  Here's the scoop on what went down:

I was contacted about potentially being on a show, but the show had an altogether different name when they spoke with me.  The show also had an altogether different concept than what this show is about.  It was about getting your dream wedding, and yes, plastic surgery if you wanted BUT, the focus on my "inspirational story" was really pushed harder than the wedding and way more stressed than any mention of plastic surgery.  They made a VERY BIG DEAL about how inspirational my story was, and I was led to believe that the weight loss itself, the journey I had been through with the hospital and everything else was a story that would be interesting.  Wrong.

Now before you judge me, hear me out.  I lost my job well over a year ago, and since then Rob and I have been struggling to make ends meet.  When I tell you we barely get everything paid each month, I'm not kidding.  I'm lucky enough to have someone who loves me enough to support all the volunteer work I do each week because he knows how passionate I am about it,  and were lucky enough to still have a roof over our heads.  So when I was contacted about the show initially, I thought two things:

1.  This is probably the only way Rob and I would be able to afford a wedding.   We don't want anything glitzy (they didn't like it when I said that), but being able to celebrate with the friends and family we love is SUPER important to us.  We thought this may be a way to make it happen. (And no, we're no different gazillions of other people in this country right now.)

2.  I have been denied coverage for reconstructive coverage of any sort.  I have at least 15-20 of extra skin hanging from my body.  I wake up in pain DAILY.  I'm in pain DAILY.  The thought of having that done and covered?  SIGN ME UP.  I honestly cannot even remember the last day I had where I did NOT have back and neck pain - it's just part of my every day routine now.  The thought of that ending was overwhelming, and I saw an opportunity and wanted to try.

The production assistant screwed up before we left, sending an email out to all the girls slated to be on the show (without BCCing, so all email addys were revealed).  Being a Google and Facebook detective, I quickly found out my competition.  Twenty-something bikini models.  It wasn't looking good for me, but I thought that maybe my late-bloomer weight loss-bride story might be interesting enough for me to do well.

Now fast forward to me arriving in "Hollywood."  I was immediately stripped naked for the whole crew to exploit.  Yes, I knew it was coming but I had no clue how deeply and emotionally that would affect me.  Honestly?  If I had known I'd come back in the near-suicidal state I came back in, I would never have gone.  But, I went there a bit naive about my own coping abilities. (And now? I'm in hard-core therapy, yo.  At least FINALLY getting some help was a good thing to come out of this.)

When I was in with the plastic surgeon, I looked down at the desk and saw the title "Bridalplasty," on the doc's folder.  I immediately knew that this was not how they sold it to me, and I felt really embarassed that I had been so naive and so ready and excited to go.  One of the production assistants realized what I had just seen and tried to cover it up by saying they kept changing the title, but I knew what was going on, and I knew it wasn't good.

I also knew by the time I put my clothes back on, that I was not going to be on the show.  The surgeon told me that my surgery was very extensive, and recovery would take a very long time and because of my kidney issues, it could potentially be a risky surgery. They had previously told me what the production schedule and airing schedule was, and I knew as soon as he said that, I knew I would not be on the show.   The night before I flew home, they knocked on my door at almost 11pm (after I was already in bed) and told me that I had a 7:30 am flight back to NH. And honestly? I was relieved.  

So there you have it.  Yes, it's Bridalplasty.  Yes, it's horrific.  Yes, I was naive and not thinking clearly when I made that decision and things sometimes things look way better than they actually are.  In my case, I was lucky enough to be sent home and not part of it.  And I've been breathing a sigh of relief ever since.

 

Comments

[Dawn Wittenhagen]

Taunia,
there is no need to be embarrised! Them hollywood types are retards! I only wish that The casters of my fair Wedding would contact you as after all this happened to you I sent your story with a request to have you on thier show! I mean how awesome would that be..David is AWEEEEESOME! lol. I just wish there was something more I could do for you since you do soooo much for us!! Much Aloha!

[patricia miller]

It was a blessing in disguise..thank the Lord..sorry you had to go through this ..want your diva peeps to kick their asses ..lol...

[Renee Simmons]

Why be embarrassed hun. No NEED! Life is journey enough without all the stress of hell & pain (I understand). I'm not judging because I would have probably attempted this myself too! We love you for WHO you are, flaws are a plus believe me! xoxo

[Lee Ann]

Your beauty is in your heart, smile, and compassion. You are perfect just the way you are. I loved you heavy. I haven't even seen you skinny except in pictures. I know that all of your real friends loved you just the way you were before weight loss. Cosmetic surgery isn't all it is made out to be. I think you were protected by your angels and this is an opportunity to go inward and ask yourself what is it that prompts you to change the beauty you have now. You are so fortunate to have the beauty you do. You are one of the rare few I have known in my lifetime that I actually could see so much character and beauty in without needing plastic surgery. It is a very seductive thought for all of us who wish we didn't grow old and keep our youth. I used to be sick about what I thought others thought about me and that I should look perfect because that is what the outside world suggested. Screw them who do not accept us and our beauty as we are. I am sooooo glad I have recovered almost 100% from alot of this. My heart is with you for I know your pain. We are responsible for creating a world of being unexceptable for what we think we look like. You my friend are truly one of the most beautiful, creative, unique individuals I have had the pleasure of knowing. Look in the mirror and see how wonderful you are inside and outside. I would love to have some of your beauty. Spend time with yourself to acknowledge how much of yourself is perfect. Your friend always. Your admirer always. You are so talented and brave. See all that you are because you are magnificent.................Lee Ann

[Elle Williams]

Taunia,
I don't think absolutely any less of you. I don't think any one does. I think way less of them, for A. turning into the cheesy show I predict to be, and NOT making it inspiring like it could have been with your story. Please, Please, Please do not feel embarrassed, I think we all realized where your heart was. It was heart breaking for me to see the video when you came back.. Although you didn't reveal as much info about it then, this is exactly the seedy show I excepted it to be. I also do know that I felt that they had lied, and manipulated you as Hollywood does. This show is going to tank, when it could have shown a beautiful lady that deserves more than anything to have reconstructive surgery way more than these ladies deserve a complementary boob or nose job. I adore you, you have MUCH better things to come.

[Cyndi]

I am so sorry you had to go through this. What a bunch of assholes!

Thank you for being so awesome even through such hardships. It makes us see how even more awesome you are.

XOXO
cyndi

[Kristen]

Oh Sweet Taunia, I just love you. You don't need to feel embarrassed/ashamed of anything -- Your reasons for wanting the reconstructive surgery for yourself and help with the wedding are completely understandable. You didn't need to explain anything, but you certainly do NOT need to be embarrassed AT ALL. You are beautiful, and WONDERFUL. You are a great person, and you deserve only the best things life has to offer. I Think it's all going to work out for you girl. I think you will end up getting your reconstructive surgeries and everything will fall into place. I think you put SOOOO MUCH good out there, it's bound to come back to you! We love you, and we are proud of you! You really deserve ONLY THE BEST. BIG BIG HUGS!!!!! and lots of love.

-Kristen

[Diva Taunia]

You are the bestest, Dawn. :) Thank you for always being so super supportive! xoxo

[Diva Taunia]

Everything really DOES happen for a reason. I'm just so lucky to have so many supportive friends! :) Thank you!!

[Diva Taunia]

If flaws are a plus, you've gotta LOVE me. lol Joking - thank you so much for your really nice comments and support, girl!

[Diva Taunia]

Lee Ann, you are one of the most absolutely beautiful women that *I* know - inside and out. I'm so very lucky to have become friends with you. MWAH!

[Diva Taunia]

I had hopes that it could somehow be inspirational, but alas it was not meant to be (and I consider myself LUCKY to not be on it now - hindsight is 20/20!). Love you, girl! (My new favorite reporter!)

[Diva Taunia]

Thank you, Cyndi...and thank you for always being so supportive. It really means a lot to me. You rock!

[Diva Taunia]

Much love right back atcha, girl. Can't wait to see you when you get to the states! xoxo