I found this website this morning when I was doing research on anxiety and eating disorders. I'm really in love with this site, and I think it's incredibly powerful. The focus right now seems to be a bit more on anorexia, but the content itself - body image - is one that many of us can relate to and have to deal with on a daily basis.
I was particularly moved by two of the audio clips:
Kelsey, Age 22 : This could be me (her story, her emotions about it), the only difference being she stopped eating while I binged. I'm pretty blown away by the level of maturity at age 22. I'm 38 and I'm just now starting to get to a place where I can accept my body. Granted, it's after a huge weight loss, and I also struggle with it daily.
Pat, Mid 60s: I think Pat is more honest than most of us are. It's frustrating for me to listen to, because I feel like the WLS community can often times be quite judgmental against their own, but also, because I know I've done this myself, and I'm embarrassed and shameful about it.
I am in a difficult place to balance: I celebrate image post-op. I have a radio show that highlights and features some of the best beauty and fashion products out there, and I love doing that. I love the "Diva Glam!" part of life. But I also struggle daily with self-image, and I struggle with finding a balance between celebrating that, and working to change the face of beauty and what that means, because beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, ages, and color.
I think part of what I deal with now is guilt. Guilt that I'm happy about what I look like, because I'm thinner now. I'm glad that I can look in a mirror and be happy with what I see (when I'm fully clothed - naked is a whole other story), but I struggle with why I feel the way I do when I look at OLD pictures of me. Why do I not see myself as beautiful in those pictures? Why am I DISGUSTED by myself when I look at them? Yes, I'm more likely disgusted with the behaviors that got me to that place, but I'm also just not happy with what I look like there.
I've always been much kinder to others than I have been myself. I have many friends who struggled with their weight, and I honestly DO look at them and think THEY are beautiful. I see their beauty on the inside and out, and I'm often upset with myself that I can't reflect that same genuine appreciation about myself and my body - old and new. I still struggle with it constantly, I still worry daily about my weight, I still weigh like a crazy woman. And I'm still desperate to not get fat again.
But I'm working on it. I think that's why I place so much emphasis on the "Diva Glam!" part of things: because products make me happy, and I like what I feel like and look like when I use them. Superficial? Of course. But again, where's the balance? If these things make me happy, I should be able to shift the image portion of things to what's fun, right? And I think that's key for me: having fun, appreciating the beauty of things in a fun way instead of berating myself. And I try to extend that fun to everyone - any size. Hopefully, when someone wins something on my show, it makes them happy, which in turn makes me happy. We put so much pressure on ourselves physically, that it's nice to have some fun with our image every once in a while, and celebrate our bodies.
I'm going to keep an eye on Project Bodytalk, because I think the mission is an important one. I'm still learning and growing, and doing my best. I'll struggle sometimes, but I'll also keep working towards self-acceptance: inside and out. In fact, you may even see some audio from me up there soon...
Taunia this was so emotional for me to read although im only in the beginning of this journey just the lose I have had, 55lbs, has made me feel guilty. I was always a person who felt like I had a pretty face and ok so pretty great boobs and so I was ashamed of everything else, and with every pound I loose I feel like ok im more normal and not like that freak I was then I look at pictures from before and feel so guilty. That "freak" I felt like gave birth too two very healthy babies , didnt smoke drink or do drugs , she was strong and always a good friend and now I look at her and feel disgusted. I feel like Im turning on a good friend. But at the end of the day she was destructive to my survival. and Airen always reminds me we instinctivly do what we have to to survive. In order to not go back I need to except there was a part of her that was destructive and not so nice to me. But beauty is all around us in every color size and shape and I actually see that more NOW then before. Before there was a commrodiery (spelled wrong) between me and over weight girls and now I SEE them not as buddies but as beautiful girls.
Posted by: patriciamillerdesigns@hotmail.com | July 07, 2010 at 10:49 AM