I'M NOT DEAD

And quite happy about that.  For those of you who may not know what I'm talking about, you can hear about my near-death experience here.

I know how cliche' this is going to sound, but being that close to death really makes you think about life and how you're living it.   First, I know how lucky I am to have so much love in my life from my friends and family, but I REALLY knew it when I was in the hospital.  I have never felt so completely surrounded by love (while at the same time feeling the worst I have ever felt in my entire life).  It made me realize how truly lucky I am to have so many amazing people in my life that love and care about me.  Sniff Sniff.

Secondly, the whole thing really made me re-think what's important to me.  I've been putting off music for about a year now.  Partially because I've been focused on losing weight, partially because I've been ill, but also a little bit because I'm back to all on my own again.  I don't have my guys to cling to for support, and have to make it happen all on my own now...which is a little daunting.   BUT, being that close to death made me realize that I still have a lot of song left in me, and I need to make music again.  I've got a plan, and I'll make that public at some point, but hopefully by the summer I'll have a full roster of performances again.   

Lastly, as I clung to life with a 76 over 36 blood pressure, and I started praying crazy hard to God, I realized that I cannot just call on him in those final moments.  And how many people told me they were praying for me while I was in the hospital?  And I survived.  Maybe there IS something to the power of prayer.  I've always believed in God, but I've played it fast and loose with my faith in him and need to find a way to get centered again.  I don't think church is the answer for me, but I'm also not entirely sure what is.  All I know is that I have much to be thankful for right now, and that I should not turn my back now that I'm back alive and feeling better.  I think a lot of reading and soul-searching is in order.

But don't worry, I think God really likes my sarcastic sense of humor, so I won't get all preachy and what-not on you.  In fact, this is probably the only time I'll mention it.  

So there it is:  I'm alive, and I've got some plans to live my life...to REALLY live it.  Who knows when I'll end up back in the hospital?  I mean clearly, I've got a bum kidney and that's not great.  So for now, I'll just live life with a lot of love and passion and music and remember to be thankful that I was and am surrounded by family, friends, and love.  Life is good.  :)

Comments

[Shrinking Susy]

Just as your vlogs...i enjoyed this blog. i'm thankful your feeling better. your story is heart warming and loving. I'm happy you have that support and love. :) Take care...i missed you...feel better Taunia!

[christine]

God absolutely loves our senses of humor, I'm sure of it. :-)

taunia -- sounds like you've had a lot to meditate on, and i truly hope that your entry here is followed up upon by good deeds, and lots of music.

there's a reason why you didn't die. keep that in mind. God's not finished with you yet.

x0